I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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