Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
