don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
