Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
