he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Bring me that man meat
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
