Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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