I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Randomize
