in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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