i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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