I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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