Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
