She is in my trunk
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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