you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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