i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
