I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
