oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
