I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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