just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
