They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
