well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he was CRYING into my vagina
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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