I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
