the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
