im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
