I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
