Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
