Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
