She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Randomize
