I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
well, you know. whores of a feather.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
