she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
