Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
