guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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