I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
