grandma shit on top of the toilet
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
