I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
