Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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