yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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