Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
