I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
