even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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