just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
