You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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