oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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