Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
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