I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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