I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
