he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
