in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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