Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
