There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
