He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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