If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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